i have always been aware of death. not preoccupied, scared, or fearful of, but aware. or maybe, just cognizant of life itself. and not just life in general, but my one chance to get it right. sure, i’ll make mistakes- that’s not the point. i am aware of the fact and remind myself on a daily basis that my time here is limited. so from now until then is all i have. because of this ever present awareness of death, i recently decided that now is the time to make sure i am living this one life. i found myself asking “how do you want to spend your limited number of days?” and my answer has consistently been, “doing something meaningful.” how awful would it be to say i spent my last days complaining about rude customers or pre-bussing food off of a dirty table? There is nothing wrong with waitressing-or any job for that matter-but i’d like there to be more to my day.
we only live once, which means we have to do and be all that we were created to be. on a daily basis, we have to work to become. i personally never fulfill my new year’s resolutions so instead, i am committing myself to a year full of meaningful days. a meaningful day can truly be anything, but for me, that means taking small steps on a daily basis to change the world. cliche, yes. impossible, no.
i want there to be meaning behind the products i buy, the places i donate my money to. where i go, what i do for fun. how i treat people. how i leave the world behind. while i am aware of the possibility of death, what i really mean is that I am making a conscious effort to be alive.