…because of twenty-one things.

i have done my best on refraining from being mushy-gushy, lovey-dovey on this blog, and i have also tried to be careful about including too much unnecessary information about my personal life. i learned in high school that sometimes, life can be much easier if you keep some minor and major details to yourself.  for better or worse, i have learned to be selective–not only in what i share with others, but also in what i focus on myself. as a result, i believe i have saved myself a lot of unnecessary stress.  but today is just one of those days where if i don’t share it, i just might explode.

as you might already know, i consider myself to be an independent person. i enjoy spending time by myself, and i like to think for myself.  i also enjoy taking care of myself, by myself.  not for any reason in particular, but mainly just so i know that i can do it. today was meaningful however, because i realized how lucky i have been to share the last (almost) six years of my life with someone else.

today was meaningful because i realized that i don’t have to do it on my own.

and it was even more meaningful because i realized that i didn’t want to.

today, he set an extra alarm to make sure i woke up early enough to get everything done like i wanted to.  and today, i rode the subway for an hour so that we could meet up to have a 30-minute lunch during his break from class. and four hours later, he walked to the park to meet up with me after carrying my favorite drink (chai tea with soy).  we walked to the subway together, hand in hand, and played  the lame game we created-like we always do.  today we went grocery shopping for healthy food, went to the gym and worked out.  we came home and cooked together, sat on our make-shift couch and watched national geographic.  i would say that today was ordinary, simple, and quite beautiful. isn’t that what love should be too?  and before you say it, of course i also believe that love should also be extraordinary.  i personally however, find happiness in the regular days that are forever imprinted on my heart because of a simple love.

in the process of dating someone for five years, breaking up for ten months, and then meeting up in costa rica to begin dating again for (nearly) a year, i have learned a lot about myself as an individual, as well as about myself as half of a whole.  at the time, deciding to break up also meant shattering my heart.  i don’t even think i realized how overwhelmingly sad i was until recently when i thought back to it. lucky for me however, the heartache i experienced turned out to be some of the best medicine i have ever taken.  the break up was a lesson and a chance to work on getting it right the next time around.  

i realize i am only 23, so of course i am no expert on relationships, but in the process of feeling lost after our ten month break up, i feel like i learned a lot about how to be found. i probably could write a whole book about what i learned.  but mostly, i just want to keep it simple.

 

here’s what i know:

1. it is absolutely important (and perhaps critical) to be sure of yourself and happy with who you are as an individual.

2. not being in a relationship doesn’t make you incomplete. nor does it have to mean you are missing out on something.  not being in a relationship with someone else is the best time to improve the relationship you have with yourself. 

3. a relationship is not a game.  there is not a winning or a losing side, there is only a team.

4. being in the right relationship encourages you to be a better person.

5. love does not have to be extravagant.  what it has to be is real.

6. in addition to being in love, you should also be friends.

7. actions will always speak louder than words.  accept it.

8. if it doesn’t feel right, its probably not right.

9. it doesn’t have to be a fight

10. the more you start concerning yourself with people outside of the relationship, the more they start affecting what’s inside of the relationship.

here is what i think:

1.  when you are lost, its easy to find the wrong person. it is even easier to rely on someone else for your happiness because you do not have your own.

2. taking care of the relationship you have with yourself puts you in the best position to have a relationship with someone else.

3. you are a whole person. you do not need someone to complete you.                                                                                   the goal should be to find someone who enhances you. who improves you.

4.  you shouldn’t have to wonder whether or not someone loves you back.

5.  relationships should be like complementary angles.  individually, you represent an acute angle—a separate, distinct, and complete angle.  when two acute angles form a complementary angle however, you add up to something more.  something bigger.

6. if you are looking to be in a relationship, maybe now is not the best time to for one.  sometimes love works out best when you stumble across it.

7. a relationship shouldn’t add constant stress or tears.  of course there will be occasional setbacks, but for the most part, a relationship should make you happy.

8. fighting isn’t a solution.  fighting is part of the problem.  find different ways to work things out, and most importantly, pick your battles.

9. if you love someone, they should know that you do every.single.day. and in every.single.way.

10. if you feel like you are settling for less than you deserve, you are probably settling for less than you deserve.  remind yourself that you deserve the absolute best, and don’t be afraid to let something go in search of something that feels more right.

11. love yourself first and the rest will take care of itself.

today was meaningful because being in love is meaningful.

and it’s as simple as it should be.

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2 thoughts on “…because of twenty-one things.

    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog post and comment on it! It is funny to think back about the lessons learned and blessings provided through heartache and loss. I am so happy for the way things worked out…and i agree with you, love will follow when you are focused on yourself and comfortable with who you are :)…thanks again!

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