i have been home for one month now. one short month. but also one long month that makes new york city feel far away and long ago. i have the kind of personality that is forever missing somewhere. wyoming’s mountains, michigan’s fall, egypt’s sunrise, greece’s food, and costa rica’s inattention to time. i haven’t decided if that is a good or a bad thing, and then again, maybe it is neither. maybe it just is. and so today i am missing the musicians that decorate every street corner, the air that fills with not only their sounds, but their souls. and today i am missing the constant movement.
and in the midst of missing everywhere, it is easy to forget that i am here. right now. in my room, drinking coffee, covered by a leopard blanket, looking out the window. in oklahoma, with the nicest people. that i am here, seven years different than i used to be. and here.right now.this moment. is a pretty good thing.
one of my favorite things about human beings is our ability to ask questions. i like getting to know people by conversations full of wonder, and i like people getting to know me through responses. and so i like when i get asked whether or not i am happy to be home. because i believe the way people answer questions can tell you a lot about who they are and the experiences that have shaped their worldview. and i like this specific question because i can tell you all about the people i saw, and how easily my money disappeared. i can tell you about doing something different every single day. i can tell you about spending my entire day people watching from washington square. and i can tell you that i loved it. and if i don’t end up boring you with every minuscule detail of how i spent my summer, maybe you will hear about how i equally love being back home. where the living is slower, and the space is more open. where i get to see my parents and friends on a daily basis. i would tell you that i like being waved at by strangers while driving down the road, and getting to see the stars at night.
because in the last seven years, i have learned that no matter where you go, you always take yourself with you. that everything you are and believe will color your experiences and view in every way. the way i see it, you’ll find what you are looking for. always. if you believe people to be unkind, selfish, and rude, you will be right. and if you are generally stressed and anxious, you’ll find a way to be stressed and anxious, regardless of where you are. i believe that vacations cannot make you escape from your troubles. and i don’t think a change of scenery is the absolute answer. sometimes a change of perspective can do a lot of good.
what i am trying to say is that the only constant person in life will be you. you have the privilege of going to every place with the person that you are. all of your flaws, goals, problems, viewpoints will go where you go. and i think the only answer is to be happy with where you are. to be comfortable in your skin. to be content with who you are while still working to become that person you want to be. because if you can learn to be happy with where you are, in every place.moment.and time. then you will be happy in every place.moment.and time.
you can change your experience of where you are, by changing who you are while you’re in that place.