it sounds silly, but i didn’t realize how much i was anticipating 2015 until it came. throughout the day, i kept finding myself committing to doing things differently this year, promising myself to not get weighed down with the unnecessary. and what i know is that i am looking forward to a year of movement; of intentional change, and of consciously challenging myself to improve. i’m ready for this breath of fresh air. 2014 was different from the last few years in that i didn’t experience as much as growth as i had anticipated. while i experienced a number of major life changes- like purchasing and remodeling a first home, beginning to fund my retirement, the loss of two grandparents, committing my life to another person, passing my licensure exam, and developing as a professional-, i also recognize that i didn’t commit as much time and energy into my own personal development as i would have liked. fortunately, i believe that shortcomings always present an opportunity to grow and so from this lack of change i have been able to learn.
in 2014 i learned about the amount of time i am consumed by stress and worry. pick a topic and i can assure you i’ve spent a portion of the day catastrophizing it. i spent 2014 with a lot of worries- mostly unnecessary and unfounded- but i worried all of the same. about passing my exam, the logistics of days and events, about day-to-day stressors, interpersonal relationships, finances, why the dishes weren’t done, and about long-term plans. i worried about about the amount of time i spent worrying. i studied perhaps excessively, and spent a lot of time rushing from one task to the next. in hindsight, the constant rushing kept me stagnant. part of the truth is that i’ve always been an anxious person and the rest of the truth is that i didn’t allow myself to slow down long enough to realize the impact it was having on my overall sense of wellbeing.
i experienced and witnessed heartache in 2014. the loss of sweet babies we didn’t get to know and grandparents who brought a lot of love into this world. i saw friends grieve the loss of parents, relationships, and goals. i felt friendships change. i saw people from all walks of life struggle and hurt. and i observed how hard life can be on some people. 2014 was also beautiful. i saw chichen itza, swam in two oceans, visited three new states, and went on the most amazing adventures. studying resulted in me passing my exam. i paid off all of my student loans completely by myself. and the time and energy put into remodeling the house resulted in a home that i feel comforted by. i had the enjoyment of making memories with family and friends and i experienced so much laughter. i spent my days at a job i whole heartedly love, living out a life mission i am passionate about. i witnessed people change and become more of themselves. in fact, i even saw people blossom. i fell even more in love with the greatest person i know.
and mostly in 2014, i learned that you take the bad with the good. i’ve learned that beautiful strength, grace, and personal change can grow from loss. from watching others, i’ve learned that breaking points are also starting points. i learned that you have to nurture relationships in order to watch them grow and that no amount of success can replace time spent with the people you love. i have an increasing sense of understanding that your worth is not dependent upon your accomplishments or work. and 2014 taught me that when the timing is right, everything will be perfect. and until then, you have today. you have right now. and that is enough.
i believe that you don’t have to wait for a new year to resolve to changing your life, i’ve always believed in starting now. but i welcomed that midnight kiss and with open arms i greeted the newness, the fresh promises, and the opportunity to reflect on how i will do this year differently than the last. i developed a list of goals that addresses most areas of my life- mental, physical, social, financial, spiritual, and vocational- and i have committed myself to working towards them and accomplishing them all. but what it comes down to is wanting to cultivate wellness. and so this year i will be intentional about holistic living- on attempting to focus equal attention to all aspects of my life. i want to live fully, deeply, and widely. and to do so, i know that i must experience new things and see new places. i will practice living without incessant worry and breathing without always doing. i will manage my time so that i may use it well. i will develop relationships with friends and family through presence; by showing up, putting my phone down, and listening. i will write hand-written letters and make phone calls more regularly. i will find something to celebrate in each and every day and i will practice gratitude. i will spend less time on social media and more time being social. i won’t allow myself to get so busy that i skip out on enjoying a warm cooked meal or hot cup of tea. i’ll care more about my being rather than my doing.
if you know me at all, you know that i always want to be changing. from one moment to the next, i want to be developing myself into that person i hope to be. i say it too much, but we only have this one moment to act in and on. so rather than thinking about what you hope to accomplish in a year, focus on what you can do today to work towards that goal. one week from now, two days from now, eight months from now, find that eagerness to change within you. foster your internal strength, self-will, and dedication to see this year’s resolution through. and remember, to accomplish everything we hoped to this year, we have to remain focused. this year doesn’t have to be another year of setting goals with no follow through or empty promises that you are not committed to keeping. this year can be different. and the outcome will be so rewarding.
if 2014 wasn’t your year, then let it go. 2015 is the year of no longer holding onto those things that don’t serve you. today can be your day. i know that when your world feels like it is spinning out of control, it becomes easy to lose sight of the fact that we have the ability to choose which direction we take. we lose ourselves in the unnecessary- the worries, stressors, unhelpful people, and daily conflicts. and we can start to drown when we attempt to fill empty holes with material possessions, drama, and negative energy and action. slow down this year. get to know yourself, and listen to your inner voice. focus on the good and all that you want to bring into your life and make peace with the rest. i’ll always believe that we bring out the best in others when we are working on bringing out the best in ourselves.
let’s do that this year.
what i know is that the only way the future will deliver its promise of brightness is if we create it.
you must start that fire and be the one to fan those flames.
2015 will be the year of doing.
and while i am committed to change, i’ll slow down this year so that i can enjoy it.