a year’s reflection

 

 

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset
Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

2015 was a good year.

 

i spent the year engaged to the most wonderful human being on earth and i got to wake up every morning to go to a job that i love.  i ran my first half-marathon, passed my licensure exam, and thoroughly enjoyed the process of planning our wedding. i went for nighttime runs in the park and had dinner with my parents in their backyard.  i watched a lot of sunsets and learned new things.

 

but if i am honest with myself, i didn’t show up for people the way i wanted to.  and in some important moments and simple day to day life experiences, i didn’t show up in the ways i would have liked to. i spent more time complaining and identifying with the negative than i did in investing in happiness, gratitude, and enriching my well-being. i found myself so caught up in being busy that i forgot to live slowly, to enjoy the only moment we are ever promised–right now. i didn’t have as good of an attitude as i would have liked and i was less patient than i know i can be.  somehow and somewhere in 2015 i got off balance; i spent less time engaging in the things that i enjoy like reading, spending time with family and friends, spreading positivity, and forming connections. i spent less time writing and creating.  it’s taken me a while to realize it, but i didn’t feel that inner happiness that has always been so comforting.  i was searching for the ease that i had been living with, but found it harder to come by. 2015 was different from the ones i’ve had recently in ways that i do not fully understand and it was still a good year.

i think it’s important to be able to talk about the times that we fall. to talk about moments when we didn’t live up to our values, expectations, or goals. to be able to say that we have failed or didn’t quite make the target.  i think it’s important to be able to talk candidly about the disappointment we feel or the heartache we are recovering from. the sadness that still lingers after a loss or a setback or the hurt that we try and push away. and i think we only grow when we can be honest in stating that there are some things we will do differently next time.

 



 

i’d like to take better care of myself this year. to honor my time with myself. to find balance between outside commitments, personal goals, and life obligations. i’d like to spend more time being quiet with a warm cup of tea or a book in my hand. i’d like to wake up early in the mornings to write gratitude on my heart and to expand my mind with beautiful words. i’d like to form more connections this year and deepen the relationships that i’m already blessed with. i’d like to be more conscious of the energy i am investing in and harvesting inside. i’d like to be gentler with myself in knowing that i’m trying my best and i’d like to observe the constant flow of thoughts that drive my perceptions and feelings. i’d like to create inspiration and an infinite amount of moments filled with love.

we can talk about all of the things that we want and all of the goals held so close to our hearts. we can read all of the blog posts and books and  listen to all of the motivating speakers and podcasts, but it we do not take action and make the decision to live differently on a consistent day-to-day basis, we remain the unchanged.  sometimes taking action means sitting peacefully, offering yourself a moment to wind down and welcome the moment as it is. and sometimes it means fighting off every excuse to remain stagnant and become uncomfortable. so for me, this year is about saying ‘no’ and being more cautious with my time.  it’s about being mindful of my thoughts and aware of my tendency to fit everything in at the expense of enjoying the moment.  i’m being more intentional and developing new habits. i started writing every night.

 

slowly, with concerted efforts and gentle reminders, we will get there.

but we must know where we are headed.

 

 

 

 

and so with an open heart, a calm mind, and my face tilted to the sun, i welcome 2 0 1 6 .

i welcome today.

right now.

this breath.

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